Pain

Clouds and mists form

my mind losing grip

Blackness surrounds me

All the world sadness

doesn’t measure up to me

Why should I keep rebirthing

Nothing lasts forever

I touched the cold metal

Of my razor so sharp

Unwillingly but thoughtfully

Pressed it with my cold fingers

Smoothly moving it from side to side

Searing pain sings in the air

Taking my breath away

Warm blood races down my chest

Its smell fills the air painfully

New at this I dropped the razor

I laid on the cold wooden floor

Falling into the drops of blood

Nearly fainting from disgust

Losing my blood as I’m losing you

A part of my soul goes away

Clouds and mists blocks my vision

Leaving me in weakness and sorrow

Wednesday 19th of August-2009:
Here I am Leaning on my comfy bed with my cut and bruises I inflicted into myself that day, after shutting off the alarms that rang to wake me up to go to the gym, just like every morning but I didn’t go this time, I kept hanging in my home in those wee hours of the morning. Nothing changed from yesterday, I still feel the same; I still feel that dark depression with a less-than-yesterday-sharp-pang-of-unsatisfaction. I can’t still grasp yesterday (Tuesday, 18th-2009), I’m trying to erase it from my mind and move on with my life. But H-Hey, this is my life!

Well yeah those little things picked up and got to my very sensitive soul (yeah I’m very sensitive from inside and I bet you didn’t expect it, because am so good at hiding and also as good at making you believe that poker face I act upon you)

What makes it worse that A.G didn’t call, and I haven’t seen my so-called crush. No, No that’s fine I can handle this. I have been through a lot of worse shit. What makes it really worse is experiencing this intensity of my emotions every single bit magnified, As I listen to this song (Already Gone-Kelly Clarkson) I lose my senses into it, and I feel that it speaks some of the words on my lips that are left unsaid, Really it affected me badly,to my amazement because I always disliked her,never imagined that It had almost made me break down. I regret it. Totally.

I guess that is the end of ever talking to A.G Although I haven’t ever thought of it ending too soon, reading it or not, I don’t care. I don’t think that A.G follows my Blog. I just will let you take anything away but my Pride. I guess you were brought into my life this past month and a half to help me in one of my “Rebirth” phases only, and you did, that’s why I feel we have to depart now. But I can’t get over those little things. I just keep listening to this God Damn song over and over. It has A LOT of what I want to say, I put it on my playlist and turned repeat on!(I never liked Kelly Clarkson!)

I rarely break down, Am mad that something that small and stupid like a song would affect me that greatly, I never been a Cry-my-heart-out Person! I always thought of myself as strong and in control of my emotions.

I Think and I Feel that I should stop talking to A.G from now on, and if I met you and of course I will be it tonight or tomorrow I will show you my evil twin, I will give you a taste of “how it feels when you look at the person you knew to find out totally someone else”..I pity you- Like all my enemies, in advance! And I will proceed to chase my crush no matter how it would look like I don't care if it didn't work i will find another but I'm sure it will because everything i determined to have i had(without being a pompous person!) those couple of friends and what they did on that Tuesday I will forgive them,for now.